Resuming ... with a little sadness

It's been such a long time since I last published a post on my blog. Not sure what qualifies this feeling of resumption but there is an unmistakable hint of guilt lurking somewhere there. Why this guilt!? I don’t have an audience to whom I owe a post. There is no obligation neither a compulsion within but the fact that this relaxing recourse was getting neglected because of an increasingly dull routine in life has led perhaps to this guilt. And rightly so. More than two years now at onsite and I am still searching for the elusive gilded delight which so eternally seems to be the single most selling point of an onsite assignment. To be fair, nature of work would certainly determine one’s quality of life, which, however, doesn’t turn out to be a benefit I can claim. The drudgery has sapped life from my being. I used to engage in quizzing and moviemaking and they too have become memories of past. It’s almost like walking into an unhealthy miasma whose elements are robbing me off my dear nuggets one by one. It’s scary to think what will become of me by the time I walk out of this haze. Sometimes I feel I am alive for the wrong reasons. It becomes difficult to understand what is more important – a free mind which frolics in its own abandonment or a focused mind tethered to a goal. Perhaps an equal measure of both is the trick. I am looking for the key that unlocks this trick trapped in my messy world.